The Breath Letter #14
Dear Breather,
When do you feel most present?
Recently there’s been a lot of talk about “regulating the nervous system”.
And of course, this is important as we are living in highly stressful times.
But that doesn’t mean we should always be down regulating, as the more intense moments are also where life happens.
The unregulated moments often have a lot of richness to them, a lot of vital information.
Am I in danger and do I need to change something?
Am I excited in a way I haven’t experienced before?
Is there a “powerful” quality to this state of dysregulation, in which I have access to a side of me I’m a little bit afraid of?
Presence, the way I understand it, is about learning to inhabit all sensations, as our conscious awareness of these sensations is really all we have.
So rather than immediately down regulating or labelling a heightened state of arousal as anxiety, can you cultivate a gentle sense of safety and stay with it?
You might be surprised by the rainbow you’ll see, when you allow for rain and sunshine to be there.
This is the rainbow that appeared on the last day at the Soul Kitchen retreat after a week of internal rain and sunshine!
The Breath
Copy Paste
This has almost become a little bit of a hobby of mine, hope that’s ethical.
This exercise can teach you a lot about your own breathing pattern and how other people feel.
The breath is always a reflection of your state. Which means, when we closely observe, we can also get an insight into how someone else is feeling.
An excellent exercise to improve our self and social awareness!
Instructions
Next time you are in the queue, are on your commute or maybe in coffee place, have a look at the another person’s breathing.
What do you observe?
Fast or slow?
Nose or mouth?
Which body parts are and aren’t moving?
What facial expression?
Are their jaws relaxed?
Is there a frown on their face?
See if you can copy all of it as closely as possible, breathe and tense alike.
After some time ask yourself:
How am I feeling right now?
Do I feel different from before?
What would this person need now, if anything?
Go back to your own breath and expression:
What differences do you notice?
This exercise is also part of the Breathe. Card Deck, check it out here!
The Insights
Shock trauma vs. Relational trauma
The word “trauma” has been gaining a lot of popularity, it seems to be everywhere.
On the one hand this increased awareness is a good thing, but at the same time it can become blurry about what “trauma” actually is and what to potentially do about it.
See, not all trauma is alike and not all treatments work for all kinds of trauma.
A potentially helpful first step is to differentiate between:
Shock trauma: a one off event at some point in life i.e. an accident
Relational trauma: an ongoing stress response between the infant and the caregiver
Now it’s important to differentiate between the two as they are healed in very different ways and require a different therapeutic approach.
Where shock trauma seek the completion of the fight/flight response, a relational trauma seek to repair the relational rupture.
The opposite of uncertainty isn’t certainty, but self esteem.
Self-esteem is a topic that has been coming up a lot recently, explicit and implicit.
When we are talking about for example anxiety, on a nervous system level the body is in a heightened state of arousal and the label “uncertainty/danger” is added to this.
When this indeed turns into a feeling of anxiety, our body/mind is in essence saying “I can’t handle what is about to, potentially, come my way”. In other words, I (my system) doesn’t feel like it has the necessary skills or tools to deal with the situation.
Now whether that is true or false, it is a sign of low self-esteem in that moment in time relative to the context.
And that’s exactly why the opposite of uncertainty isn’t certainty.
Though certainty does give us a sense of calm, a higher trust in one-self will find a sense of safety in any given situation, certain or uncertain.
The Content
Types of Self-Esteem - Webinar
Outside-in, often more fragile forms of, self-esteem:
- Performance: “I can do XYZ”, therefore I have worth.
- Attribute: “I have XUZ”, therefore I have worth.
- Other: “I believe that you think I’m worthy”, therefore I have worth
Inside out self-esteem:
I have worth because I exist.
I cannot abstract from this, nor add to it.
I can be happy or sad about the things I have, can do or the people who love me, but this inherently says nothing about my inherent worth.
Some sentences to practise, for those of you who are in a relationship - Article
How we speak to each other matters!
Have a look at these 9 sentences and see if you use them.
The Autonomic Nervous System - Instagram Post
The autonomic nervous system is incredible.
We often say: “We look at life through the lens of the nervous system”.
Our sense of being safe or in danger completely dictates what we see and how we show up.
But what does the nervous system itself actually look like?
Check out this beautiful visual!
The Experiences
13th of November @ Akasa - Breathwork Class - East London
My regular Breathwork Odyssey session in collaboration with The Psychedelic Society.
An evening full of connected breathing, movement and music!
Make sure to bring your own yoga mat, blanket and cushion :)
Tickets here
16th of November @ Akasa - Hackney Wick - Breathwork & Somatic Practices
The first edition of an evening I’m organising which combines breathwork and other somatic practices. Perfect for those who want to deepen their experience of themselves.
Akasa is a fantastic location with loads of space to explore.
Really looking forward to this one!
Tickets Here
21st of November @ Bless - Breathwork Class - London - Stoke Newington
The most intimate session of them all. Max 6 people in a cosy space.
Perfect for those who want to explore group breathwork in a safe container.
You also get a free Breathe. Card Deck with this one!
Tickets here
5th of December - Breathwork & Sound Bath @ Clapton - London
Excited for this 2 hour breathing and sound immersion! A collaborative event with the Bless crew who will bring their bowls, crystals and cooking skills for a nice gentle meal post session.
